This blog-post will offend several people. I must accept it and move on.
When I was young, I was the victim of bullying. Not once nor by one person, but throughout my younger years in several different cities and towns. I have witnessed bullying of and by others who were around me. Sometimes I acted, sometimes not. I tell you this so that you will understand where I come from. Knowing this may change how you perceive what I am saying.
That's the disclaimer. Now to the heart of the story.
A play in a nearby town was marred by threats of violence and bullying to the point where a child was excluded from the show.
Many bullied children end up in the arts. It is a refuge for many of the fringe: the different and the sensitive ones. Band kids become a gang looking out for each other. Journalism, Art, Choir, and Dance also join that list of protective gangs. Like them, theatre can be a refuge for the disenfranchised or picked-on youth. I was not physically weak, but I was smart and sensitive- a combination too tasty for the hyenas of public school to resist. So, although I played ball some and rode cross-country bicycle, I was bullied, and I also found my way to choir and band and theater.
Adults always had the same or similar response, "They're just playing." or "Don't be such a baby." or "He/she didn't mean anything by it." or "So and so would never do something like that. He's a good kid." or "That never happened." Denial was the word for the day. Deny it happened. Deny it was bad. Deny they meant to hurt. Deny you're worth defending. The Arts are supposed to be a refuge where the different can take those differences and soar.
But that's not always the case. Pettiness and jealousy, hierarchism and bullying will find their way into nearly any group. I have seen it myself. I have heard it done. As kids we are near powerless to do anything about it, no matter what anti-bullying programs aim to do. It is the adults who must step in and protect those who cannot protect themselves, and denial is never going to help. Turning a blind eye never stops it. Unfortunately, aggressive attacks also don't stop it. It takes time and patience and a firm hand to halt the practice even if only for a while.
That lands us back to the play in a respected theater in the next town over. I heard about the problems from four different sources. With such an emotional issue, even a trusted source by itself isn't enough. The play has an all boy cast. Notice not men...boys. They ranged in age from very young to college age. The director is himself of the same age as the older "boys". The show features a lot of violence and violent talk and attitudes. These pumped up feelings spilled over into the dressing rooms and beyond. Anti-gay taunting aimed at a child with gay parents. Threats of explosives and weapons. Actual weapons brought into that emotional mix. When a parent felt the threat was too much, she was dismissed with all the denials mentioned above. When she would not be dismissed, she was threatened with the police if she did not leave, and since she felt could not trust leaving her son there unatttended (unprotected), they left. She had pushed too hard.
According to those in charge, they had handled it. The "he is a good kid" "I know his parents" scenario. This parent, not knowing those people and knowing that not everyone had been interviewed about the incidents, did not trust that it was enough. The other person was offended by that and felt authority threatened. Escalation to the point that we now have adults bullying adults. The child suffered. The show suffered. Nobody wins.
That's the way it is with bullying: Nobody ever really wins. Not even the bully.
I was not there. I spoke to some of those involved and got conflicting stories in some areas and overlap in others. What I know is that reputations have been harmed, the theater is harmed, and people have been harmed. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my soul."
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